questioning about my mental illness
after a few days of an episode, i started to feel somewhat better, esp last night. however, i got curious on looking up to some personality disorder since i began to to act ..... unusual about myself.
looking into it...i realized i might be suspected of having schizotypal personality disorder. some of these symptoms i have experienced so far:
- how i could see ghosts talking to me (whether it's positive or negative...moreso on the latter) alongside convincing myself that i am seeing supernatural beings irl
- lack of relationships that are not my family formed irl for years (i only have one person that i am close with but even then, it's somewhat difficult to keep connected to that particular person)
- constant paranoia surrounding other people
- social anxiety.... :[
- really absurd visions that may not likely happen irl (???)
all of these symptoms made me somewhat convinced i have those and im dont know if i should have myself diagnosed if i actually have these symptoms...?
overall, i kinda dont want to speak about this type of problem because i, myself, cant understand what i am saying and think that i am doing this for attention or even worse.... i just rather bottle this type of feeling for as long i could mentally handle
but.....is it really healthy if i keep doing this...? i would really need to speak to a counselor about this but i just. Really Don't Want To. i hate having emotions i wish i could be forever emotionless and dont have any problems. I wish i can be a perfect being with no flaws whatsoever